Remember the post "seabreeze" that I posted here a few days ago? here's a sequel to it
http://www.pbase.com/gosamer/victoria
bets

i'm going to the peak tomorrow to have breakfast with mercedes, so much looking forward to an autumn day out! this is Cilla, a girl i met at tai O, june 2004)

got a little something to share with you from "Streams in the Desert" that i read today...

Title: Music of the Storm

"Nevertheless afterward" (Heb. 12:11).

There is a legend that tells of a German baron who, at his castle on the Rhine, stretched wires from tower to tower, that the winds might convert them into an Aeolian harp. And the soft breezes played about the castle, but no music was born. But one night there arose a great tempest, and hill and castle were smitten by the fury of the mighty winds. The baron went to the threshold to look out upon the terror of the storm, and the Aeolian harp was filling the air with strains that rang out even above the clamor of the tempest. It needed the tempest to bring out the music!And have we not known men whose lives have not given out any entrancing music in the day of a calm prosperity, but who, when the tempest drove against them have astonished their fellows by the power and strength of their music?

* * *

how much i love this passage! hope it'll give you some inspiration to get through a difficult day.
betty

(staring at my tired feet at midnight while catching the last train home. Regina's wedding tonight was so sweet, i wish that...)

yesterday, i was meant to go to mercedes' thanksgiving dinner party. i know it was full house this time and i miss them all, but i couldn't go, coz i wasn't able to swap my night duty with anybody... but then my evening in the hospital turned out to be a happy night... i helped out with EC, seeing emergency patients and it felt so good to do something solid! though i won't mention i went all panicky and had to be calmed down by a nice man teaching me about x-rays and ultrasounds.... and after work when all's quiet in the midnight air, it felt like a fairytale and i ran into somebody, we stopped to have a drink outside the light rail station, and chatted for what seemed to be light years..... i didn't want it to stop.....

i felt warm inside, something i haven't felt for a long long time.

night,
bets

(agnes b. florist shop at christmas 2 years ago!)

there's one song that i am incredibly attached to since i was 19. today, i came across it again and wanna share this gem with you. it wouldn't sound as nice with me playing this melody on the piano, but it'll do since i can't find the cd in any shops... do you think i can play it on my electric guitar one day??

(next time i'll share with you another guitar piece i've been learning...it's Tarrega's capricho arabe)

Black Orpheus by Lou Mecca (album Bridging the Gap)

http://audio.cdbaby.com/m/mecca-03.mp3 (sorry this is only a demo-incomplete)

tell me what you think about this song....

(the one in a crowd)

read in the newspaper this morning that europe (especially cornwall, that's near where tess lives!) is being hit by a sudden winter freeze. being temperature-sensitive as i am i'm already sensing the chills here in hong kong, it must be really really cold out there. i wonder how i survived the 7 years in england...

when we were young, we wanted it to snow so we could play with it on the school pitches. but when it really did, i ended up watching the others snow fight, while i was rushing to get my first scarf knitted in the snow (!), it was christmas present for my best friend.

but the worst thing about the snow must have been the aftermath. i was terrified when i had to walk on the floor that was once laid by soft snow and later pressed into slippery icy paths. i tripped over a few times. that probably shows i'm not such a good ice-skater...

wishing my friends in england safe and warm this christmas. thinking loads about you.

與人無爭　靜靜地開放
一朵芬芳的山百合
靜靜地開放在我的心裏

Not in competition with others, silently blooming
A fragrant mountain lily
Quietly blooming, inside my heart
(2003)
* * *
umm... been reading grace's xanga as she said she's gonna delete all, and guess what, i found that she wrote me a letter there... and one paragraph got me thinking. do you think there'll really be a guy out there who really thinks like that?

"Dear betty.... I sort of admire you on your perseverence in your diary writing. I can't write everyday like you do. I just write when i feel like to or when I am too moody or depressed. My life is too much controlled by my mood, which is a rather bad thing to be honest. Oh, yes, your webblog appears to be soooo artistic and sentimental!! Can I copy some from your page to add more colours to mine?? Just kidding. If I were a guy, i would have loved you Bets so much."

umm.... who would have loved bets so much?

ok, i'm gonna read my bible then go to bed (and dream of a faceless guy, ahah) ... (or maybe he does have a face now, i hope)... (but i don't like to hope overly)... (oh dear betty is babbling again...)

haha, night,
betty

(2003, the year full of tears)

so, winter won't be so cold this year...

there are many things that brightened me up today.

1. i just received my december work schedule. God was being incredibly nice! i didn't ask for it, and He gave me 3 days off from 23rd to 25th, that's Christmas day! so i don't have to spend christmas all alone this year in tuen mun, can go to midnight mass this year, so unexpectedly! didn't think a new junior could even ask for such luxury, i was given it without asking! thank you God, i have 10 days off this coming month (that is 1 day off for every 2 days worked) and 3 days off during the week when mimi's coming from 13-20th, so i can pick her up at the airport...

2. being determined as i was, to study before my driving lesson, i popped into yuen long public library, and guess what treasure i found, that i couldn't have in a thousand years. there it stood on the shelf smiling at me, the christmas album of JOHN RUTTER! exactly 11 years ago when i was invited by the Chaplin family to have my first holiday in Jersey, i found this cd at their home. it was heavenly. i recorded it on tape (i was only 14 at that time) but lost it somehow. but the melody never got out of my brain... so you can imagine how joyful i was! now, it's playing in the cd player, and the memories of my youth suddenly rush back in a massive wave...

3. yuen long was such a countryside to me when i was still living in hong kong island. it was 3 hours away from home! had only come here one time in a photography trip at ho pei reservoir, thinking how exotic and weird this place was! and now, it's 20 minutes away from my new home, and i come here for my driving lesson every week...! i remember one time many many years ago i came here with a friend to photograph the (so-called) most beautiful sunset in hong kong, at "pak nai", i was so eager to look for this restaurant famous for their beef balls, called Winner's. we didn't find it in the end...

i finally found "winner's beef balls" tonight. though i am on my own now, i feel warm. the bowl full of chewy beef balls and noodles filled me up with such warmth and happiness. i was alone but felt the presence of another person. Um. :)

4. i always leave the most important and significant bits at the end... well, someone came up to me to talk for a few moments just before i finished work today, and it made my heart go all palpitations. in other words, it went all funny... lalalala......

night,
betty

Been looking at my photos... just before i go to bed...

* * *

My youthful heart

The old morning sun will not return
Neither will the stars nor the moon of the night
Although, in every morning, when you look out the window
In every summer, there will still be
The fresh fragrance of jasmine

Except, there is something
Already vanished deep in the air
In front of the busy crowded market
Wrapped in the startled receding sunset

Oh my youthful heart!
Never will we meet again

(my best friend tess's home, England. May 2004)

i wrote it sometime ago in my old homepage but i can't find it now. but the thought came out again tonight, and.......
i dedicate this to you. maybe one day you'll get to know more about me

* * *

Seabreeze

remember when i was studying in Westgate, i would be in a school of ducks (just like the chinese saying) and walk down to the seafront of Westgate every sunday... it was almost like a ritual. thinking about it now, it brought me wintry moments... the british sea was always so cold and so windy making my ears all red and cold, hair flying everywhere (well, most of the year) and i'd always peek into the seafront shop that sold hot chips (french fries), i could not afford them, but always went in to have a smell of the salt and vinegar, have a peek, anyway. at that time, my weekly pocket money was exactly one pound (HKD$12) and it was how much the chips cost... but it wasn't the chips that gave me the most nostalgic memories, it was the seabreeze... i remember walking out into the sea via the narrow rocky path, smelling seaweed and salt, walking over welks and snails, watching the sun set over the furthest horizon of the sea, listening seagulls singing and gliding over us... and most of all, it was my friends too: angeline, hanat, antonia, esther, dawn, sarah, lavinia, mizinga, domitille, miso....

i long to be a child again, innocent and carefree.

* * *
um, you might wonder why i had such a thought tonight...
night night and sleep tight,
betty

(Black sand bay, Macau 2003. this photo's been my all time fav)

OH dear, i have a crush..

it'll probably turn out to be nothing, but it feels good, anyway. haven't felt this good for a long time... however naive you say i am!
umm, that must have been the gentlest smile i've ever seen, and the shy-est (of me!) and most irrelevant conversation and all the odd things all coming together, in a day.
no wonder i wasn't paying attention at the study group tonight...
tomorrow, everything will probably go back to their usual cycle, and i'll go back to work as usual and it'll look like nothing, nothing has happened...

anyhow, it made my day, thanks.

tonight, i have this song for you... "closest thing to crazy" by katie melua... http://song.musicvideocodes.com/file.php?AIMplaylist=gosamer.asx

forget my non-sense, btw after all i've said!
night,
betty

silence.
tonight, i feel myself drowned in sadness
after something had happened.
in an attempt to rise up again,
frantically,
i tried hearing your voice through the silent air.
longing for some comfort from you.
silence.
couldn't hear a thing.
couldn't even imagine your voice.
oh my god,
it's been such a long time ago! (as mimi and sharon and mad and everybody says!)
i remember it was a deep and round voice,
musky and mild.
though, sadly.
i don't remember how it sounds like
anymore.
there's only
silence
in my heart

1122pm

(photo taken from my living room just tonight. can you see chu-chu (pig-pig)?)

dearest angeline,

hello ma cherie, how are you?? i miss you tonnes.
it's been a long time since i last wrote to you. i don't remember if i have updated you enough with my news, but you know i was so excited after getting the message from you in friendster! you have invited me to malaysia for Christmas! you've been inviting me to stay with you for Christmas every year since i started medical school back in 1999. it's such a wonderful feeling to have such a 'tradition' and friendship from you :) i'm sorry i didn't get it sorted out well enough for last few years, and this year, i'm a newbie junior in a new department and it's not up to me to get those precious christmas days off when only 4 doctors are allowed to...

but i promise i'll start planning next Christmas when my exams are all settled. will you still be inviting me? you know i've been planning it since i came back in hk in 1999 (that's the year when you came to visit (me or mariah carey i wonder?), remember?

2 days ago, i had a hotpot dinner at ceci's new place. do you remember her? she was also an ursuline girl, a year below letty and marilyn and ada, same year as jessica and melanie. seeing the ursuline girls gave me such good memories, you must remember many of them! you know, cecilia's getting married soon (next month), so is regina (also next month). letty chu is getting married to her senior (also a dentist) next june also, and marilyn's going out with a rather hunky bloke, i say... it's funny... they all start introducing me to their other halves as 'dr. chan'... and then they come asking for some medical questions, haha... i'd rather they continue to call me their little girl from the old days. i was always the baby... i asked if they still remembered you, and they DO! they remember you as the cute and sweet girl. umm.... only i remembered you as quite a cheeky one, haha...

cecilia and rita (remember!?) went back to visit the ursuline's in july this year, and i saw their photos. Sr. Theresa looks much older, but i'm glad to know she's up and about! i've really been missing her, she was really an angel from heaven don't you think? she was the most angelic sister i have ever met in this world... if so then Sr. Catherine must have been the most cunning one :) then there was a photo of the little path from St. Angela's to the chapel. oh! it so belonged to us... (the other girls didn't feel as attached to the little path as i was!)

um, i wonder how hanat is doing, and where she is. london? cambridge? i set my imaginations in the dark nights that she's still as bubbly as i've always known her... deep in my heart i hope we will meet again and chat like we did when we were 13... though it was such a long time ago. i dunno if she still remembers me...

and how is life treating you over the other side of asia? i'm well, doing good in the emergency department and enjoying life. i miss you so much, my first friend in england... will you write to me sometime?

with lots of love and miss your smiley face,
bets

(My Phuong's venture into capturing the hong kong scenery, and my venture to capture it. Nov 2003. Will be doing it again this year :)

Went out yesterday evening to meet up with all my ursuline big sisters for hot-pot dinner at ceci's house warming party. haven't seen some of them for over 11 years (wow, i left the ursuline at 14 years old back in 1994!) and i was the littliest one among us chinese girls at school, and even i have started working last year... they all came up and asked medical questions, it was sweet!

when i was in marilyn's bf's car on our way to 'big hat mountain', she told him about my piano-playing, telling him i was really good at it. ( though you might like to know marilyn is a piano teacher herself, how i can compare with her) well, it suddenly dawned to me that someone did (know!) remember that i was a piano player too, so i did have some memories of myself...

then stanley asked how good was i, and could i just go up to any piano now and start playing... i said i didn't know, afterall, it was SUCH a long time ago! so this morning when i finally woke up at my parents' place, i went up to the piano and found my fingers starting to move. i didn't know what to play at first but my fingers chose a piece for me, it was the first piece of Schumann's Fantasiestücke, Op.12's "Des Abends" (the evening). And God it was so nice. the melody did come out like how i wanted it to be.... i wonder if there's any chance to record my playing now that i am young with supple fingers (though nobody would be interested to listen to my playing now). wouldn't it be a shame if by the time there's someone who likes to listen, and if by then my hands and joints are all arthritic and painful??

(another one of laura, this time i visit her. kyoto jan 2005)

what a failure... after two consecutive midnight shifts, i was broken down. exhausted and starved, i woke up this afternoon with aching chest (god, what have i done to it!?) and started my venture in tom yum soup noodle, and sadly, failed in disaster. been looking forward to trying out this this tom yum thing that i bought all the way from citysuper (you know, i'm not a city girl anymore) but then i think i've put a tad too much into the previously-edible noodles, i ended up draining the soup in vain and hotness and reluctantly not to waste it. hence my burned lips now. well, looks like i'll have to have another try of popcorn-for-lunch today...

* * *
hehe, though i could hardly cope with two midnight shifts at one time (which turned my biological clock upside-down) it was a good 2nd night. for about 2-3 hours tuen mun hospital was not visited by people with silly complaints like runny nose at 4am (!) or those complaining of generalise malaise and unwellness and insomnia... i had a great time chatting with the doctor sitting opposite my station. a nice guy called palmer who lives on my block, i just found out. it was so funny that he was so seriously into drinking some charcoal in order to cure his belching,. i thought he was just joking but then he really called the nurse to bring him a bottle of activated charcoal and drank it in front of us 2 drs. (that we use in the emerg dept for drug overdosage, for mopping up all the toxins in the guts)... for those chinese people you might like to know activated charcoal might be a better option than 'pei dok mei an bo', the over-the-counter and unauthorised version of weight controlling medication, it's laxatives! not good for you really) ... somehow we got onto photography, though he's not a serious one, i once again had to explain what are holga and pinhole cameras. my specialty, ha... he looked like he enjoyed my unconventional photos, anyway...

anyhow, our conversation was cut short at 5am by a 111 call, someone who's cut both her wrists. i asked stupidly what 'a 111 call' was, and the nurse said that there's a lady coming in with glascow coma scale of 1+1+1(=3). normal would be 4+5+6. we'd say someone is comatose if the person has GCS of <8, and for GCS of 3, theoretically the patient would be dead. well, she was FAR from being awake. when we examined her wrists there were at least 5 slashes on each side, though relieved to know that they weren't too deep (but then you can't tell how much bleeding there's been). well, it was rather gross actually... and then she woken up (from GCS of 3? the paramedics must have done a great job...!) she vomited out stuff that smelled like dettol, and the chemical eroded her throat so much that she couldn't make a sound and told us how many pills (and what type?) she's taken. in minutes she was taken up to medical ward. a relief came as i reminded myself i'm now in the emergency department. 2 months before i'd be the doctor waiting (um, anxiously) at the other end in the medical ward thinking of the next steps on how to save her!! yikes, this lady had what we called 3 suicide attempts into 1 (dettol, drugs and cut wrist) i hope she's got a smart doctor up there and hope she gets through it...

sorry, been boring you to infinity i guess i'd stop now and have another think about my lunch, and my free weekend! that's the prize for having your world upside down for 2 days! have an amazing weekend, i'm all planned :)

luv,
betty

Dunno what to say for now, talk again later. b.

* * *
Not all dreams are in time to be fulfilled
Not all words are in time to be told
Regrets is always deeply engrained in hearts after separation
Despite that they have said
All things in this world are in the end futile

I do not intend to miss it
Yet I always have
Having missed the flowering end yesterday
Once again
I miss today

Today we will reenact the same ritual of separation
For the rest of our lives we will be strangers
with you so far away
In the evening haze i give you a deep bow
please
take care for me Even though they have said
All things in this world are after all after all
futile

(christmas in 2004, i remembered it was a happy one)

there's one project i intended to start when christmas is coming up every year since 1993 even before my baptism (yes, that was the year when i went to cologne for my german exchange), but always failed/didn't do as well as i should have...

that's to start being a christian and reborn again. 'Advent' is the key.

i always wanted to start a christmas tradition that will bring me back to the sacred path after another year of deviation (though i hope that's not the word i'll have to use)...

when i was studying at the ursuline, every year running up to christmas, we'd watch "the snowman" in the school hall. and then when i moved onto sherborne there'd also be other traditions, like the sherborne abbey carol service with me always among the line of singers wearing our red abbey robes walking the aisle slowly with a candlelight in our hands towards the alter, singing Purcell's 'Hodie, Christus natus est" in an 'A Capella' way. that is i'd really say, HEAVENLY. our young voices resonating through the solemn and huge space of the sherborne abbey is totally amazing, especially when you were part of it.

well, back to the subject. i'm happy to have remembered advent 'before' it starts this year. so i have 2 weeks preparation for the year long endurance of mercifulness, peace making, clean of heart and meekness, hope it won't be yet another experiment for me but an 'experience'. and with me living alone and away from home for the first time in my life this year, i know God has planned it to be a good start to prepare myself for a series of spiritual cleaning (and this has nothing to do with the Al Qaed-a) to add to this, there'll be somebody special who'll be with me during advent this year though i'm away in the cold place called tuen mun (gosh, even the toilet seat feels colder here! oops). i just learned that My Phuong will be coming to stay with me allllllll the way from Hannover next month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (just cannot estimate my excitement!)

ok, talk more to you next time round
luv, bets

Are my tears salty for preservation?
To save them for a rainy day?

As the sky opens up
I know that rainy day is here.
Crystal droplets start to hail down
The cold rain converges with my warm tears
And they become one, unrecognizable

So you smile.

* * *
winter arrived earlier than i thought...
it arrived today, it's not even mid-november!!
and it came with the rain.
cold and wet, this was today.... november the 14th.
like how i'm counting the days since 2003... the days never returned
every-day i have been saying to myself,
"it's yet another day..."

i went out for dinner and it was already jet black darkness. windy and sad....
it reminded me of something
wintry times... cannot be expliquer by three small dots
is it time for me to hide, again?
i thought i looked good today, but it turned out makeup cannot hide tear trails...
maybe i really should hide!

ha, it's getting late, woops for my non-sense...
night...

morning... it's such a beautiful day today, when i woke up i glanced over the window and saw glowing pink along the contours of the mountain... fresh air... and the radio woke me up some happy orchestral music by mozart...

it must be a great day because i'm off work tomorrow (waited for 4 long days) and it's only 8 more hours to wait, and i'll travelling back to the city this afternoon after work to see my family... won't be online tonight (have something v important to do...must be studying, ahum) hope you all have a great weekend (S, i'll be writing to you soon)

love,
bets

one for you (you who's reading my blog...), one for me, hehe...

found out i could have gone to germany last week instead...... oh my!! why didn't i know earlier! fate it must be. well, happy times don't come twice in a row! Mimi is on holiday now for 2 months before moving down to near munich for her new neurosurgical job.

wishing you a lot a lot of happiness and smoothness on your new life, mimi... but thomas will be there for you whenever, right?

haha, as for me..... everyday when i'm at work i peek around to see if that nice someone is on the same duty as i am... ooh. wouldn't that be nice :) okok, i'll be 'frank' here, there are so many nice and friendly emergency 'male' doctors in my department, i'm sure you can't work out who on earth i'm talking about here.................. so don't even think about it... :)

ok, i gonna go and listen to my new french songs cd and start doing something constructive, talk soon, love,
bets

(if people would learn to smile and appreciate more like these two brothers...)

last week after the driving lesson, i walked a long way along the yuen long big road across 3 light rail stations to look for the christian bookshop. and found what i wanted. a special bible. i know i already have a few bibles at home but i was never consciencious in reading them. so this few days ago, i found my treasure. it's a plain looking bible (i know, bibles ALL look plain...) but this one doesn't even look much like one, it's hard cover with light blue and purple, more like an "annual review in medicine" or something. but it's wonderful. the first chapter i read in psalms just made me cannot stop reading the bible everyday (finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) simply because,

it just spoke my heart.

* * *
yes, all these years, i was looking for a listening ear...

* * *
Umm, yesterday was a fateful day and i was hoping for a miracle to happen. it was the birthday of an old special friend of mine. i waited and waited and it didn't happen. perhaps he was too happy in his own life to remember my little presence. but God remembered me, He sent me an angel instead, this time from germany... i got a phone call from 1000 miles away, and it always makes me cry every time i talk to this angel, she just knows me so well even though it was 3 years ago. but i promised her next time i won't be crying...

because this morning when i woke up, my eyes felt so swollen and tired and i know life has to go on in the other direction...

life isn't fair sometimes.....

* * *
remembering i was bullied once upon a time when i was at med school, where people felt like they are grown up and making their way into the real world. weird in the modern world there was a huge and chubby boy who always used to take the mickey out of me and did many things he could to make my small life miserable, just because of my size and my timidity. he would laugh out loud and shouts out "oh, your black mature bag doesn't suit you. wouldn't you look nice with a hello kitty bag for a baby instead?" he would talk about my height, my weight (even though it seems non-existant in his eyes), inferiority, you name it... he did make me felt upset knowing a guy who was in his 20's and doing such a thing.

* * *
and many years later, i don't know why i would remember such a thing, it's probably because...
he's getting married.

this should be the last time of having this prose in my mind, i promise

* * *
夏日午后，一只小翠鳥飛進了我的庭園，停在玫瑰花樹上。我正在園里拔除雜草，因為有棵夜百合花擋在前面，所以小翠鳥沒看見我，就放心大膽地啄食起那些玫瑰枝上剛剛長出的葉芽來了。

我被那一身碧綠光洁的羽毛震懾住了，屏息躲在樹后，心里面輕輕地向小鳥說：“小翠鳥啊，請你盡量吃吧。只求你能多停留一會儿，只求你不要太快飛走。

”原來在片刻之前還是我最珍惜的那几棵玫瑰花樹，現在已經變得毫不重要了。只因為，嫩芽以后還能再生長，而這只小翠鳥也許一生中只會飛來我的庭園一次。

面對起這一种絕對的美麗，我實在無力抗拒，我愿意獻出我的一切來換得它片刻的停留。

對你，我也一直是如此。

(http://mypaper.pchome.com.tw/news/gosamer/3/
1725565/20021110183849/)

(This house is hope because of Jesus)

back to my bangkok days... when i was talking to ruby (my trip companion) on what was the most inspiring moment, we both thought it was the walk in Klong Toey, the biggest slum in bangkok. before arriving i didn't know what to expect. 'slum' this word never really got into my brain. all i thought was the children.... little did i know what was to come.

well, we started off in a place called tesco lotus far off city centre which was a huge supermarket massive like those i saw in america, where Damaris (my friend who works for the people in the slum) met us. it didn't click how drastically different yet close the slum would be from this upmarket store.... minutes later we ended up in dusty streets and eating food cooked in an outdoor foodstall (yes, we were worried about getting diarrhoea, but thank God our tummies were blessed!!) then we entered an old building where the entrance read "This is the house of hope because of Jesus". Though the place felt so foreign, it felt homely, if you know what i mean!


(Brother and sister)

Then we were taken by our new friend Or to have a walk inside the slums, treading along the paths where children play with their barefeet, not having the chance to go to school. 2 little boys came to walk with us (photo will come tomorrow) and we learned that their mother was just released from jail last week, and they were reunited to their parents from orphanage... just last week) it was an experience just walk through that place. squeezed in the narrow paths were people deep frying food, sitting and doing nothing, looking over children, where babies crawl around stark naked, where houses did not have windows. no chairs inside, odd washing machines at the most peculiar corners of the paths...

I didn't want to take out the camera to take photos at first, didn't want to cause trouble. but i finally took it out, the children were so curious about it! they loved photos to be taken for them, their smiles so BIG and BRIGHT! i never knew i could make them happy too!!! but as Damaris said to me on my way back to the city... "Ask God what it is... there must be something that you can do more, even as a doctor and having a steady job... you can do so much more..."

tbc...

(flowers from bangkok)

i couldn't believe how long i spent in the driving school today, total of 6 hours. i managed to have 4 hours of lessons with 2 hours of waiting in between, and with me not wanting to waste my time, i tried my best to read my medicine book and the bible, but ended up snoring in the waiting hall, oops....

well, i was meant to write and tell you about my trip to bangkok, i think i'll leave the good bits to later when i have more energy... i mean, it was a good trip and i had a good break, but this morning when i woke up i didn't know why i felt such profound emptiness (gosh, it's holiday and i should be happy!) i thought it'd break up after a shower but it didn't. didn't go away after my breakfast either... it felt entirely weird, empty, and lonely... didn't help after i opened pages of my medical book and started revising. well, that was when i went into my study and picked up my bible. it's been such ages since i last touched it. i always felt i had more important things to do, like to prepare for my exams etc. but this time i put down my MRCP book and started reading the bible... and thank God i found the best sentence i need for today and onward... from Psalm 1....

somehow i was opened. got to keep myself this way.

(wandering on the streetes in cwb... old photo)

hello,
i'm back from thailand! i can only say how thought-provoking the whole experience was. gave me a lot of quiet moments to meditate and think things out. will tell you more later, it's really late now, the plane only landed at midnight and i caught a late train home...
have a lovely sunday tomorrow, i'll catch you up :)

love,
bets