Have you faith, Betty?

(Silently, waiting... at the bustop)

On any day, whether it's sunny like this one or raining in thunder like now, always remember who's really there for you, he *will* surely make you smile, again...

Looking at other people

There's been some new understanding in the recent few days. Just like sometimes, you look at old photos, but new things come up. Like with looking at other people, you change what you think about them. Maybe it's their new glasses, or maybe it's their smile, just some irrelevant will shed new light upon the mystery of life... not about that person, but about the mystery of life. However hard you try, it won't reveal to you until you don't give a damn about it.

Streams from the desert

"I call to remembrance my song in the night" (Psalm 77:6). I have read somewhere of a little bird that will never sing the melody his master wishes while his cage is full of light. He learns a snatch of this, a bar of that, but never an entire song of its own until the cage is covered and the morning beams shut out. A good many people never learn to sing until the darkling shadows fall. The fabled nightingale carols with his breast against a thorn. It was in the night that the song of the angels was heard. It was at midnight that the cry came, "Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him."Indeed it is extremely doubtful if a soul can really know the love of God in its richness and in its comforting, satisfying completeness until the skies are black and lowering. Light comes out of darkness, morning out of the womb of the night. James Creelman, in one of his letters, describes his trip through the Balkan States in search of Natalie, the exiled Queen of Serbia."In that memorable journey," he says, "I learned for the first time that the world's supply of attar of roses comes from the Balkan Mountains. And the thing that interested me most," he goes on, "is that the roses must be gathered in the darkest hours. The pickers start out at one o'clock and finish picking them at two."At first it seemed to me a relic of superstition; but I investigated the picturesque mystery, and learned that actual scientific tests had proven that fully forty per cent of the fragrance of roses disappeared in the light of day."

Until the sun goes down, I have been trying to keep myself awake. Now that the sun is set, I know I can finally close my eyes and stop dreaming.

Any questions?

The killing of a heart

Quelquefois, the worse thing you can handle is your own heart. I have always said 'finally', one after the next, but "FINALLY", today, , and all of a sudden, I heard my heart break 'dans un mille morceaux'. And my heart beat was gone, forever. I could not see whether there were only a thousand pieces or not as my vision was smudged by my tears. I heard my heart fall to the ground and was shattered. That was it. Maybe you want to ask me what it was and why it was so surprising and shocking. I could only tell you how naive and juvenile I have always been. Even last night, all that was in my head was it, the feeling of love and wonder. Now, nothing seemed real anymore, "who, yesterday was a beautiful tune on the lips of life and today is a silent secret in the bosom of the earth." That moment, was when my last life had ended. This day, when I no longer knew how to cry, I know that one day all my memories will have faded, simply because, it never existed. Did it really never happen? How can smiles be cheap. All that you give me are those.

What shame, I say.

Photoblogging

Blueness doth express truthfulness

Tribute to you, my friend

To Tak Fan who brought me joy and laughter. You will be remembered.
Lots of love, Betty

What is a youth? What is happiness

I'm not happy today.
My friend died.
She was a 14 year old girl from Macau coming to Hong Kong for bone marrow transplant. She was well, looking good and happy.
Within a few weeks she was bold, locked up in a room with plastic walls, lines running out from her veins and she became yellow, always vomiting when I went to talk to her. Her smile was gone.
I remembered when she first arrived, looking bewildered at everything, jumping and smiling and talking to me. 'The hospital is a boring place', she told me. I always saw her jumping and running around the ward, acting not exactly like a 14 year old. But then I thought, wasn't it great to be so young and so carefree... what the heck. That is YOUTH.

But now, she's no more. It made me cry hearing this news today. I was shocked to bits.
I cannot believe someone so lively and so 'here' with me was gone. My friend, Tak Fan.
I cannot believe a 4-person family is now shattered. How lonely would her sister be.
I cannot believe why a happy and well-behaved child gets taken away by God. She deserved all the best.

Sometimes, I thought I deserved more too. But now I don't ask for anything else.

Custard flower

I can hear my Intern days slowly pass me by. Soon, in a month and a half's time I'll be leaving Queen Mary Hospital for good and start a bright new beginning. However bright or dark it may be. Somehow something inspired me to write something about what I'll be missing over here... the evening rain must have given me some hints...

It must be the flowers of Queen Mary that I'll miss. This evening I suddenly had the impulse to go home despite feeling tired and whatnot. It started raining when I got out, and unusually, I didn't have an umb with me. so I looked down to stop rain splashing onto my glasses. Well, the first thing I noticed was a custard-coloured flower, still in its fullest bloom sitting on the pavement by the slope down the hill. Its gorgeous yellow outlined by a creamy white rim made it So special. I so wanted to pick it up but the rain was getting furious... Then I looked up, seeing flowers of purple, pink and red, right in front of my eyes in the pathway. And by the other side of the slope, I was amazed to see a tree full of orange flowers. It *was* exactly the same flowers as those I saw a few years ago in Sassoon Road, by the stairs walking up to Bayview restaurant, a must-pass path from our Medical library to lunch. I remember one day I saw it and it made me think of somebody straight away. I wrote an email to him telling him about those lovely flowers I saw. And as usual, he gave no reply.

Anyway, one day after work I must go searching for this custard flower again. Do you think it'll give you as much hope and wonder as it did for me?

The Wednesday Light

At home, all luxurious and in comfort. Hasn't felt like so for such a long time. But gotta go back to hospital in a few hours' time. At least I've got my breakfast for tomorrow morning, it's cream cheese and mango muffin from Mrs. Field's, we gotta pamper ourselves once in a while don't you think?

A few days ago, I went looking in Ikea and came up with several good ideas... in fact I don't know whether I'll be working in Tuen Mun or not yet, still waiting for a precious letter from the Hospital Authority. But things have been playing around in my head...
* * *How about a 2 room flat looking south for a start. I'm going to have a single bed (though mum said I should really be buying a double-what for?)... I'll make the 2nd room my study. A large study table, one like Marshall's when he had shared a flat before, and a tall bookshelf for my books. Maybe a piano in the study too? But it'll have to come later as I'm sure I'll be running out of dosh.

The next thing must be the Wednesday light (http://www.transglass.co.uk/tordbooa.htm). So glad it'll come to use soon as since my travels to England in May last year it's been sitting on my shelf waiting impatiently! I guess I'll put it in the bedroom as I can't imagine putting it anywhere else, it'll be too dark. Maybe it'll make me sleepy enough to fall asleep after work.

And the next next best thing must be something for my walls.... As I've said I don't like wallpapers, I'll try making it into a photographic gallery instead. Pinhole/Holga gallery of my blown up photos framed in Ikea wooden frames. What do you think?
Haha, that's enough bul*shi* from me for now. :)

Schlangenfrau by Rodin
Posted by Hello