taken from atnext, it makes me cry

癌 母 死 前 為 子 織 冷 褲

「 世 上 只 有 媽 媽 好 ， 有 媽 的 孩 子 像 個 寶 。 」 吉 林 一 名 患 有 骨 癌 的 母 親 ， 在 離 開 人 世 前 ， 用 了 15 個 月 的 時 間 ， 一 針 一 血 地 為 自 己 九 歲 的 兒 子 編 織 出 直 至 他 25 歲 時 所 需 的 冷 褲 。 張 宇 的 媽 媽 已 去 世 七 日 ， 小 宇 仍 一 直 撫 摸 媽 媽 留 下 大 小 不 一 的 冷 褲 流 淚 ︰ 「 媽 媽 ， 我 想 你 ， 你 在 哪 ？ 」 家 清 貧 的 他 ， 母 親 生 前 是 做 烙 煎 餅 的 ， 父 親 則 在 外 打 工 ， 全 家 多 年 來 住 在 親 戚 家 。 兩 年 前 ， 小 宇 的 媽 媽 被 診 斷 出 患 有 骨 癌 （ 但 家 人 隱 瞞 其 病 情 ） ， 手 術 後 更 令 她 喪 失 工 作 能 力 。
全 身 劇 痛 　 拒 絕 停 下去 年 五 月 ， 小 宇 的 母 親 突 然 對 家 人 說 ， 要 趁 自 己 還 未 完 全 倒 下 ， 為 家 人 多 準 備 冷 褲 禦 寒 。 但 家 人 擔 心 她 體 力 無 法 支 持 ， 遂 告 之 她 患 病 實 情 。 豈 料 ， 她 得 知 後 ， 更 加 堅 定 要 為 孩 子 織 冷 褲 的 想 法 。 她 每 日 坐 在 床 上 織 ， 每 織 五 分 鐘 ， 就 要 躺 下 休 息 20 分 鐘 。 試 過 一 次 ， 她 剛 織 了 兩 分 鐘 就 滿 頭 大 汗 、 雙 手 紅 腫 、 全 身 痛 得 很 厲 害 。 張 宇 的 姑 婆 勸 她 不 要 織 ， 卻 被 她 拒 絕 ， 直 到 無 法 活 動 為 止 。

my 3 month rotation to ventilator ward has swiftly come to an end. there was a lot to embrace for remembrance...

i always said i didn't enjoy being here because of several things, yet those delirious days also brought me self value and integrity. i was so grateful for some special friendships that i made.. as well as the good luck meal given by my senior, my medical friends. i had more time to go home and enjoy the comfortable bed and soup, not to say the least the coastline of hong kong island always brings me that tinge of nostalgia whenever i turn my head back in the bus going back to the countryside.

from next week onwards i'll be stationed in geriatrics ward, back to the warzone of acute medicine and outpatient clinics. back to those days of getting slimmer and slimmer, appetiteless and sleepless. argh, c'est la vie. c'est ma vie.

it's so freezing in the ward, my fingers are all numb, i feel a bit wobbly.. i've been hovering here and there between the patients sorting out minute things, talking to relatives. so time goes by pretty quickly and now it's 9pm, i see yet another shift of nurses. i'm not so familiar with them tonight, don't see glimpse of sin man, erica or cy around. oh well, i have 5 nights in these 2 weeks (even though i took 2 weeks off) and i think i'm bound to meet who i need to meet before i leave this place. i know i'll miss it here, for some obvious reasons. i know i'll start to lose weight again once i'm out to medical wards.

finally the exam was over. although it was only 3 days ago. didn't feel that close, it felt like it was ages ago, even though some questions (and wrong answers!) have been popping out of my head these days. i have been planning on things. have several lists written on scrap pieces of paper but not a proper one in my head. honestly i don't feel like a break of spa or feast, rather, i wanna read up on ventilators, on chest x rays now that i have 2 more weeks in ICU.

i've found out, i'm so in need of hiding. perhaps this will be be a good time for me to reflect and rediscover...

undergoing a period of mutism

of several reasons

that's it. have to make it

(my room last night)

argh, exam is tomorrow..... my energy level is just right now. will i be able to keep it til tomorrow 7.30pm?? don't even dare thinking of anything negative.

calm down, betty...

going to read more pharmacology, more science.

going to go through all those antibodies and hereditary conditions

trying to memorise all the nerves and dermatomes

and pray for a good night's sleep tonight

(new necklace from venice)

taken from the daily elizabeth elliot devotion email:

Today is moving day. There will be plenty ofreason for fretting and stewing, impatience, andturbulence. I am one who seems to feel thatunless I do things or unless they are done myway, they will not be done right, and the daywill disintegrate. But I have been watching thesea--very turbulent this morning because of atropical storm hundreds of miles away--and Iremember Him whose word was enough to calm it.Speak that word to me today, dear Lord: peace.Let your calm spirit, through the manypotentially rough minutes of this day, in everytask, say to my soul, Be still. Even this day'schaos, with all its clutter and exertion, will beordered by your quiet power if my heart issubject to your word of peace. Thank You, Lord.

clicked onto yahoo.com.hk music and listened to kelly chen's new song 'to cut it into two' i really like it, want to buy the album but... oh well...
wanna say to myself, pat on my own shoulders and, sigh for relief.

been a while since i was last here, a lot (?) has changed!
these days i've been thinking of something, something happened last week yet it felt tooo far back for me to savour the reminiscence. it felt really good. just won my smile. now, i only remember the high pitched laugh, ooh la la!

last few days i've been shutting off myself from the world while my parents went to greece. i tell people it's the exam stress, poor nutrition and all the politics of the icu. deep inside i know there's a reason why i had 'flat lips', perhaps everything greek would make me feel that way for at least quite a bit, but, i do smirk at myself quietly that once upon a time i was so sure i was greek in my past life. anyway, hope God will change my perspectives soon, coz i should really love greece as with everybody rite...

my best friend had called me many times unfailingly to check my study progress. although not much to say in essence (which rather disappointed me in some way) he wrote me an email after i had turned off my mobile some nights ago before going to sleep. just a few lines made me smile again, it was that easy!? i've worked hard today you'll be pleased to hear. arrived at the hospital at 8.30am (and yes, it's sunday today and i'm off for a week...) and i guess i need a pair of new jeans soon, these ones are wearing out by sitting too much...

i called my friend t and told her about my problem, and she did the much needed correction. yet whatever will come my way i pray that i keep that feeling... that'll keep me going.

that's all for now, tata from me 8)