I stare at the clouds, and the quiet fury of rain. I stand under this pouring sky, under the grieving clouds, and it feels so cold here. Like the breezes in the west coast of england, seeping into each part of my flesh. I flick open a book, it read, "Remember love, it is more important than remembering somebody's name." Tonight, I discovered that this is what I have achieved.
2.24.2006
(wa..... wa......)
here are a few things in my agenda these days. let me sort them out one by one. do you have faith in me??
* * * My youthful heart
The old morning sun will not return Neither will the stars nor The moon of the night
Although, in every morning When you look out the window In every summer, there will still be The fresh fragrance of jasmine
Except, there is something Already vanished deep in the air In front of the busy crowded market Wrapped in the startled receding sunset
One day, we went to the borders to look at the birds. The sky was bright orange. The air was cool and the lakes over the gates were quiet and still. There was just birds and dogs. Big birds, small birds, you could name it all... Light breezes brushed past our cheeks, and there we sat, eating our KFC meals no.4 and watching birds flying up and down to fish for their own dinner. Dogs running around to play in the no man land. And as we sat there, we talked about the heaven and the earth until the sun set... it was so beautiful.
how come i never knew hong kong can be that beautiful??
i had a second bread dinner tonight, to finish up the bread i bought yesterday. but! i have a better inspiration this time round. pumpkin and raisins bread with camembert slices from frankfurt, portuguese jambon, and tom ka kai soup. nice, isn't it?
feeling incredibly sensitive these days. there are a lot of things at work that made my eyes feel damp. and there are many moments when you make my heart sink. i know, which cannot be avoided. thanks for appreciating me for my qualities, and for understanding me before i even say it. hopefully one day, it will dawn on me that the reality isn't that bad really! but can i whisper something into your ears? i still believe in fairytales...
Dear God, are you here? I'm feeling weak and feeble, Needy and empty. Please grant me peace of mind So I can stand on my own With faith that will keep me Steadfast Against the strong winds God, please grant me courage to Combat my fears.
10 more minutes to the Valentine's day. wishing you a calm (not overly-exciting!) day with your loved ones.
as i'm sitting in comfort in my sitting room listening to lang lang's rachmaninoff piano concerto no. 2 (and it's rhapsody on a theme of paganini next!) sipping caramel oolong tea, i'm at ease, well, sort of...
i'm looking forward to tomorrow. i know you'll take care of my schedule...
i went out to tst for the second time this month and took a few nice photos of the harbour. here's one of them. i'd better get back for more relaxation now. so rare i get 3 days off consecutively...
I might have promised To go with you together To that beautiful mountain trail.
You said on that hillside are tea shrubs budding with young leaves And thick acacia trees I might have promised you to go In a spring afternoon long past.
Yet tonight by the lamplight Combing my just-turned grey hair Suddenly I remember some Unfulfilled promises some Inexplicable sorrows.
On that mountain trail Whether you in your youth Are still looking for me Still looking anxiously for me to come?
struck by some thoughts today, remembering some feelings i've felt back in november last year. have you ever listened to the "pulp fiction" soundtrack... there was a song with the words "happy and sad"... it felt just like that. i was intensely happy, and intensely sad. it didn't feel a long time, but indeed it was... now everything has changed. i also think about my friends, like kandi and ray having their finals now, i didn't get to call them with my bad cough and night shifts. i should have sent them good luck charms. finals was a big thing for me and even i know they'll pull through ok i still feel bad about not having got in touch. and there's kennis, mandy, ann, cola, pearl, matthew, tessa, jocelyn, erika, laura, tarsila.... as i feel so stuck and isolated and ever so lonely, i realised my friends are still there for me. i just need to go out and grab them..... perhaps the world's not as cold as i thought. i hope it's not. i've been too depressed recently.
today, i bumped into a patient in hospital. a young man lying on a couch gasping for breath. as i went through his medical notes, thinking of how i could help him, a tear dropped from the corner of my eyes... a 35 year old man, in the height of his young spirit, suffered from cough just in november last year. not long after he was found to have lung cancer. more workup revealed his liver had a lesion, and it was not metastasis. it was a second cancer. the notes mentioned he was asymptomatic in november. and now, there he laid, dying... i wonder how we can grasp our time in a better way so i won't regret anything? i seem to be doing that now but it's futile.
will my efforts be appreciated? or should i recede in silence?? i don't want to.
tears strolling down both cheeks, who'd know? and who'd care??
* * * There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold And she's buying a stairway to heaven And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed With a word she can get what she came for Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a stairway to heaven
There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure And you know sometimes words have two meanings In the tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a stairway to heaven
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west And my spirit is crying for leaving In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees And the voices of those who stand looking Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune Then the piper will lead us to reason And a new day will dawn for those who stand long And the forest will echo with laughter And it makes me wonder
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow Don't be alarmed now It's just a spring clean for the May Queen Yes there are two paths you can go by but in the long run There's still time to change the road you're on Your head is humming and it won't go because you don't know The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know Your stairway lies on the whispering wind And as we wind on down the road Our shadows taller than our souls There walks a lady we all know Who shines white light and wants to show How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard The tune will come to you at last When all are one and one is all To be a rock and not to roll Woe oh oh oh oh ohAnd she's buying a stairway to heaven
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold And she's buying a stairway to heaven And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed With a word she can get what she came for And she's buying a stairway to heaven, uh uh uh.
i used to be a ballerina when i was 7. wearing those pink satin dancing shoes every week. i loved those long ribbons. one day i had to make a decision, and i decided i was not going to dance again. i decided i wasn't going to be a ballerina, but someone else... would you wanna know what I have become??
