Jardin sous la...

A walk in the garden

By Gosamer

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as roni says, thing can change in a week. though funny how it really changes within 7 days.
it also shocked my best friends how things come about.
that's the way life goes. life shocks each one of us day by day.
just as i asked God why on earth i'm so unloved, suddenly there are way too many people arriving on the horizon. too many to handle!
but, it's nothing to do with me, i guess! i haven't changed, haven't done anything different. who is it to blame?

but you know, when disaster strikes, it really shows who is your real friend and who isn't.

and miss g certainly isn't, unfortunately.

i had a dream
i dreamed that i was lying in hospital
i saw you walking through the door
and tears streamed down
and never stopped

a wall around you

the candlelight easter mass at st. judes was very special. i went there an hour early in order to grab a good seat, and in the end i found the only seat available right at the back of the church, last row! roni looked so good. though i would have worn something more white and angelic if i was gonna get baptised that night. (but then i just wore a plain white shirt and a grey dress to my own baptism, very stylish aren't i)

was so glad in witnessing roni's baptism in the beautiful church lit up by hundreds of candles, it also reminded me of my own baptism a many many years ago. it was a renewal.

and God gave me an interesting message too :) would you wanna know what he says!?? it's in Genesis 22. very important one indeed!! near at the end of the story.

* * *
went back home this weekend to see my parents they've gotten me soooooo much food from hokkaido! i think my colleagues will be very delighted with them when i go back to work next week :)

* * *
ok now. have to start working... thank God my diarrhoea has at last stopped!! it must be the week long doses of Yakult that cured it :P

A 53-year-old woman presents with a digoxin overdose. Which of the following statements is false?

A : Tachyarrhythmias do not occur.
B : Peak effects can be delayed after ingestion by 6-12 hours.
C : Digoxin can precipitate severe hyperkalaemia (>6.5mmol/l).
D : DC cardioversion can precipitate intractable ventricular fibrillation (VF) or asystole.
E : Activated charcoal reduces absorption.


Your Answer : C
Correct Answer : A

* * *
another example to show i haven't been concentrating. miss the 'false' word. oh oh dear.

mixed emotions, wouldn't it be nice if you understand

the night is passing too slowly.

my dear little one is in pain tonight after the op. she's been dozy all day and didn't purr at all. her skin infused with povidone iodine... and she would scream at every tiniest movement...

and so, i was also in pain tonight. to see her like that.

i've been embracing her for the whole of tonight and studying at the same time. and it's helping her. she hasn't been screaming aftereards. as she looked up to me inside her flying saucer around her head, she suddenly started purring for the first time today! i felt this very strong bond between us.

she's going to make it soon.

Castle in the Clouds

There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a room that's full of toys,
There are a hundred boys and girls,
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says "Cosette, I love you very much."
I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

* * *
Longing to have someone say to me "Cosette..."

Streams from the desert 11/3/07

Title: Strength From the Sorrow

"Now it came to pass after the death of Moses,
the servant of the Lord, that the Lord spake unto
Joshua, the son of Nun, Moses' minister, saying,
Moses my servant is dead; now, therefore arise,
go over this Jordan, thou and all this people"
(Joshua 1:1-2).

Sorrow came to you yesterday, and emptied your
home. Your first impulse now is to give up, and
sit down in despair amid the wrecks of your
hopes. But you dare not do it. You are in the
line of battle, and the crisis is at hand. To
falter a moment would be to imperil some holy
interest. Other lives would be harmed by your
pausing, holy interests would suffer, should your
hands be folded. You must not linger even to
indulge your grief.

A distinguished general related this pathetic
incident of his own experience in time of war.
The general's son was a lieutenant of battery. An
assault was in progress. The father was leading
his division in a charge; as he pressed on in the
field, suddenly his eye was caught by the sight
of a dead battery-officer lying just before him.
One glance showed him it was his own son. His
fatherly impulse was to stop beside the loved
form and give vent to his grief, but the duty of
the moment demanded that he should press on in
the charge; so, quickly snatching one hot kiss
from the dead lips, he hastened away, leading his
command in the assault.

Weeping inconsolably beside a grave can never
give back love's banished treasure, nor can any
blessing come out of such sadness. Sorrow makes
deep scars; it writes its record ineffaceably on
the heart which suffers. We really never get over
our great griefs; we are never altogether the
same after we have passed through them as we were
before. Yet there is a humanizing and fertilizing
influence in sorrow which has been rightly
accepted and cheerfully borne. Indeed, they are
poor who have never suffered, and have none of
sorrow's marks upon them. The joy set before us
should shine upon our grief as the sun shines
through the clouds, glorifying them. God has so
ordered, that in pressing on in duty we shall
find the truest, richest comfort for ourselves.
Sitting down to brood over our sorrows, the
darkness deepens about us and creeps into our
heart, and our strength changes to weakness. But,
if we turn away from the gloom, and take up the
tasks and duties to which God calls us, the light
will come again, and we shall grow stronger.
--J. R. Miller

Thou knowest that through our tears
Of hasty, selfish weeping
Comes surer sin, and for our petty fears
Of loss thou hast in keeping
A greater gain than all of which we dreamed;
Thou knowest that in grasping
The bright possessions which so precious seemed
We lose them; but if, clasping
Thy faithful hand, we tread with steadfast feet
The path of thy appointing,
There waits for us a treasury of sweet
Delight, royal anointing
With oil of gladness and of strength.
--Helen Hunt Jackson

last night i attempted to go online in bed with my mobile. this gadget is free til the end of month, and oh! i saw my most searched name in my email inbox!!! hehehee.....

hehehe......

God does answer my prayers, even though it's after many many years!!

(hope He'll do it again! please God!)

in love with estee lauder's pleasure intense perfume!

問 ： 　 　 猶 大 出 賣 耶 穌 是 好 事 還 是 壞 事 ？ 因 聖 經 提 過 猶 大 這 樣 的 行 為 ， 應 從 未 出 過 世 才 好 （ 忘 記 了 經 文 出 處 ） 。 但 他 不 出 賣 耶 穌 又 完 成 不 到 救 恩 。

答 ： 　 　 猶 大 出 賣 耶 穌 當 然 是 壞 事 。 為 甚 麼 你 認 為 猶 大 若 不 出 賣 耶 穌 ， 祂 就 不 能 完 成 救 恩 呢 ？ 我 們 所 信 的 是 一 個 大 能 的 神 ， 祂 當 然 能 夠 按 著 祂 的 心 意 來 成 就 祂 的 救 恩 。 即 使 猶 大 沒 有 出 賣 耶 穌 ， 我 想 祂 也 可 以 用 很 多 不 同 的 方 法 來 完 成 救 恩 的 。 當 然 ， 祂 不 會 特 意 要 猶 大 出 賣 祂 ， 祂 甚 至 希 望 猶 大 沒 有 這 樣 做 。 猶 大 所 做 的 一 切 ， 是 出 於 他 的 自 由 抉 擇 。

幸福的方法.... come and i'll let you know

the bouquet was beautiful, wasn't it?

this afternoon tell-me came home with me to see the kitties and accompanied me to the vet. (you know, i always go there like a single mother it was a positive experience to have her there with me!) thank God she was there, we met a very horrible dog that pee'd and poo'ed everywhere at the vet's clinic, xiangxiang was very frightened (and so was tell-me, hehe!). never seen the little one so frightened before, she was howling for help! so thank you auntie tell-me for being there with me, or else how could i have coped!?

well, k not only sent me a lovely bouquet, by the time we got home, i found out a parcel was waiting for me from australia, a big box of seashell chocolates from him as well! how does he know i love seashells, and love chocolates at the same time!? thank you so much. i do really miss the good times in kota kinabalu.
* * *
and god plays miracles after giving me a terrible evening. i found hanat through the internet, one of my best friends from school after 13 years of being apart! i've been typing bali-muttajjo constantly every month since internet was ever known to me. i pray that she'll write back......

to my kittie's aunty tellme,

i know these days has been very hard
and you've been crying lots
too much in fact, i could see it in your eyes
so much uncertainty
too many things to worry

want you to know, i've been thinking about you
lots
and about your parents, your sister
i know, you've been incredibly brave
deep inside
so i'm less worried about you now

also remember
lots of people are working hard
lots of people are praying as well
please know that you are surrounded by love all around
especially your family too

and most of all,
God will bring you through
He surely will

looking forward to see you smile again

with lots of love from auntie b

very strange. received a call while i was at work this morning, someone looking for dr. b chan... just as i was wondering it was some investment/insurance company, it turned out to be the florist~... mmm.... saying there's a bouquet of flowers reserved for me tomorrow... she also asked where should it delivered to me tomorrow....

Mmm.... i was very surprised (who wouldn't, hah!) and it turned out they have to deliver the bouquet to the hospital because i'll be at work during the day! that'll be very interesting coz all the nurses in my ward will ask me to treat them tea :P anyhow, i asked whether i could know who/where it was from. she said there wasn't a name (i didn't know i have a secret admirer!?) but the location was put down to be.... Glattbrugg. where the x is this!? haha.... i looked up yahoo and found out it was in Switzerland. another Mmm...

sounds like some gorgeous chocolate-melting swiss guy/girl has sent me a very lovely bouquet!

thank you! whoever you are, you are very, very sweet.

now it has me wondering.... i can count who has my new address, i've just moved in not long ago........ there's Mi Phuong, Angeline (!)..............................

every morning on my way to work i walk through a tunnel of coldness and darkness, greeted by the a slit of warm light in the end. always reminds me of a better day to come.

though time is running out, it's soon march.

Kiss the rain

the moments in waiting
always the most beautiful...........