(autumn is the cruellest month, as i think of you. the sad river, victoria harbour, hong kong)

"if you should forget me
i will disappear as quietly
as the white snow off the trees
one morning, with the cold absence of green
naked, your branches will stare emptily at the moon
outside our window, remembering at last
how we once slept here entangled
each night, listening to the wind
moving in the leaves"

~natasha, my friend from mumbai

* * *
yesterday, i sat at home quietly wondering what it was that made me feel so empty and uneasy, i tried relaxing but failed. the moment i arrived the hospital today i understood why i had such a supernatural feeling last night. one of my patient had died unexpectedly last night, as a series of event of 'should have nots' and misfortune have taken place. as i reflected on what i should have done, what it is that makes me so lonesome and useless, i can only say, i've done my best.