it's not a happy day today. i looked drained and i feel that i have nothing left.
i feel so arthralgic and tired, squeezing my last smile when i said goodbye to my patients.

the chubby granny 'kam ho' whom i took care of for almost 2 months was finally diagnosed with diffuse large b cell lymphoma, and i sent her away to haematology ward for chemotherapy today. thinking about it these 2 months have been so eventful for her, her temperature came up and down and up and down, spiking angrily like a monster, and we couldn't find a cause. sometimes, i wondered if it was someone else, would she have an earlier diagnosis? mm maybe.

i only hope i can be in my elements. wouldn't that be beautiful?
do you think i get a chance to be beautiful again?
please, give me one.