(Where's the sea? where are you? Shek O, hk 21/5/2000)

listening to katie melua's Closest Thing to Crazy in the lonesome bus, drowned in furious rain as it quietly rushed back to the centre of hong kong, through deserted highways and the solitary suspension bridge. i looked out and felt incredibly blank and wondered why i'm so. drops of tears beaded out in unison with the rain outside.....

these 2 days in A&E dealing with life and death, and seeing how things can wipe people's instincts away, is, rather unbearable. but too bad, people come and go, you can't really play God and save all the dying ones. and at the end of the day, you'll just have to drop all the memories of those futile efforts, those people whom you've lost, and sit down and have your dinner and prepare for the next day. there's not a point in mourning of your failure, or your lost, whatever and wherever it is. is it true that people will only start to cherish what they have when they realise that they are counting on their days?

but it's not that you haven't done your best, right betty?