(graduation day, Dec 2004)

autumn has finally arrived. i still find it unbelievable but i know, mid-autumn festival has already past. this morning the chilly wind woke me up at 6 in the morning and a burst of unexpected sadness left me wide awake. i remembered it was this sort of weather a few years ago, when i started crying in shower in the morning. i remembered how heartbroken i was, how hurt, and how solitary. this morning, i couldn't help but did the same. after the experience, i've grown to be frightened of cold winds and winters. it was 3rd january two years ago when i first started taking medical history from a patient, and got told off for doing a very bad job by the relatives. after my attachment that day, i walked back to the med student residence in the crazily cold wind, feeling incredibly failed and lonely. to this day when i take histories from patients, i would keep my head up, make myself look confident, being ever so cautious in my words, as if to protect myself from another episode like that one....

yesterday afternoon i had an orientation of my new department and it really felt like a medical student visiting the A&E department, so fresh and funny. but it isn't really, it'll be a place where i'll be working for the next 6 months. and as you know my last three months in this hospital proved to be a positive experience, i would embrace my future with open hands, looking forward to more time at home and more time for my study as well as more more time for my hobbies and spiritual growth. hope a few months later you'll see a different me, not anymore afraid of winds.