thank you for the good luck dinner last night. though i hated to see the reflection of my eyes in the train..

i better not count the seashells i have now...
there must have a good reason for not counting for these months.

do you remember something i wrote a few months ago:

i hate it when a good person doesn't get good return
i hate it when i feel fragile standing in the cold wind
i hate it when reality hits me like a fierce slap onto my face
i hate it when i am always the figure in a sad story
i hate it when my dream is shattered into pieces of broken glass in 5 seconds
why am i always the most sensitive?
why am i the most foolish out of all my friends?

your reply only made me cry even more
only to come across this poem yet again:

Not all dreams are in time to be fulfilled
Not all words are in time to be told
Regrets is always deeply engrained in hearts after separation
Despite that they have said
All things in this world are in the end futile

I do not intend to miss it
Yet I always have
Having missed the flowering end yesterday
Once again
I miss today

Today we will reenact the same ritual of separation
For the rest of our lives we will be strangers
with you so far away
In the evening haze i give you a deep bow
please
take care for me
Even though they have said
All things in this world are after all after all
futile

argh, i guess i'll retreat for a few days, it's been, what a thought.