what it means to be content

life has a funny way. for the past few days, it felt really bleak and i cried in my bed thinking of several people who'd given up on me, one by one. they who left without a sound and didn't turn their heads back, are such meanies. i had thought i'd been really lonely since. the bleak air of this place didn't help at all. i don't like talking to you and then suddenly i hear you at your door, just quickly say bye bye and hang up the phone. i don't like that spontaneity, like how i was used to being treated. today, you tell me you will never leave, i smiled but kind of reluctant to absorb in, after all, i've always been the one who's hurt. who can give me real promises.

lying on my bed today, i thought, actually... things are not so bad. i'm fine on my own and my value comes from me and not from others. i enjoy my way of living and there are so much waiting for me to do. all throughout my childhood i have been planning what i'd become, and it surprises me how this 'librarian' has been piling up to form the directory for adulthood. it's funny. how i'm just starting to use it now.

i've all along been looking for someone who'd share my vision with me, someone who'd walk my path and hold my hands. perhaps there's not someone like that (coz..) but i'm content on being this girl i see in the mirror, at last. life has a funny way, of sorting you out...