(look at me, yes... Stanley, Hong Kong)

logged on to friendster, caught sight of the blog i posted in march, here it reads,

"this cancer ward of mine, a place i'd now call my second home in this past month, nearly made me numb and senseless years back. funny, now in my last 2 weeks here, only did i remember how scared i used to be of this place some years ago when i was still a med student, so frightened of seeing bald children lying on their beds speaking nothing and seeing nothing. i was so scared because i knew nothing about them. i never used to find any hope in this word CANCER, and it would only bring further desolution as i tried to dig out my history of sorrow. but this month being with each and every one of them with illness, even with the dying, it brought me into light, finally as a doctor and as a human being, just like the once saddest song without words having a different ending. so, this place of unknown boundaries once again will set me free and i'll fly onto the next world of unknown. who knows where it'll take me, do wait and see.. "

man, it felt so long ago. i miss the babies and the little girls and boys there. especially the one who had his name changed by his parents after having blood cancer. and the boy with bone cancer spreaded from his back to his legs and couldn't sit up. and the lovely 14 year old tak fan who used to smile at me with such sweetness before she died (here). even the girl bold on the outside and inside who shouted at me everytime i take blood painlessly from her central catheter... only once had i thought, how much i'd wish God to grant me a trip back time. perhaps i could do everything a little better, then i wouldn't be where i am. but you know? i always thought i did my best. and i know, something must go for the better to come. i know, all is not lost. all is kept inside me.

dorothy asked me about the age-old poems i wrote in high school. she asked me why i only translate poems now and not write any myself. LAZINESS and lack of inspiration. i really need to plan a trip to somewhere nice soon. i wanna go to prague and germany, thailand india and tibet... hehe, so happy that i got asked to go to tibet together after MRCP part I. made me so happy :)

http://home.netvigator.com/~gosamer/poems.html

ok. i'm finally going to cook for myself tonight. speghetti with mushroom sauce and sweetcorn with shredded cheese on top. haagen dazs for dessert (thanks brian :) would you like to join?