i'm a little nostalgic today. afterall, it's the 31st december 2005. and this gonna be rather long coz i am bad at selecting the correct words and short sentences.

i started my day walking to hospital at midnight chatting in the mild wind about everything and anything. it was our pasts that were so interesting! i never knew i would remember the feelings of how i played the bassoon in the orchestra or played the piano concerto in the abbey wearing that boring black skirt, or when i had my first crush at high school! and i would never never imagine having dinner at a home in tin shui wai either. it will be a big dream in my heart..

then had a tremendous night shift with 2 of my friends and then came home to sleep until now. 3.30pm! felt like the whole day has gone. i just cannot say how grateful i was yesterday, he acted as my big brother and switched his night duty to a consecutive one yesterday. he started managing my more urgent cases, looking tired with red eyes, but was definitely the star of the night. it turned out yesterday our hospital had the greatest admission number (it was already a headline in the newspaper during christmas), with many (I mean MANY!) patients requiring resuscitation. even with us working hard, the waiting hours was a grand number of FOUR. as i was busying with my cases, a tired figure flew past me and whispered, "it is such a good day! so good that i am here..." yes, indeed it was. you were angelic.

back to what i said about nostagia. i was startled on waking this afternoon realising it's 2006 tomorrow. looking back on 2005, i realised, there's been no glimpse of marshall since the beginning of 2005! i had only dragged a heavy and unreal imagination of 2000-2004 onto 2005! what a stupid thing! and like marshall who'd already said some years ago, "you are too immersed in your unhappiness", it was so bad yet so true.

it doesn't happen anymore though!! so much has happened since i moved to tuen mun!!! three months of emergency department did do some little but significant miracles! i'm sorry i didn't manage to expliquer in more details in my previous posts (with so much going on, with my exams coming up), but let me say, it is enough inspirations to start writing poetry and music again. enough figures to start shooting atmospheric photos again, enough love to make me feel good like when i was 17 again. (ahah! i know i'm now 25!) such is youth.

is that love? but that is not a question to ask.

as i said in my email, it's not about finding the perfect person for you... it's not about finding someone who will pamper you and someone who looks just so good standing next to you, but it's about finding your true self. and happy to say, i have caught a glimpse of my true self, only wanting to spend the next 60 years in improving and enjoying it. and you rightly knows why....

i'm happy.